Do you believe that I’m going to tell you how to answer absolutely any sex question that you’re asked? Just trust me…
There are 5 primary types of sex questions that you’ll be asked:
- Permission-seeking: these questions are looking for validation and permission to exist. A lot of these questions will actually fit under “Am I normal,” too.
Example: “Is it okay to have sex before marriage?”
- Shock: these questions are the ones that throw you off guard. Sometimes they’re asked because they want to throw you off guard, and other times they’re asked out of genuine curiosity and they just happen to shock you.
Example: “Why does pussy smell funny?”
- Am I normal?
Example: “Is one boob supposed to be bigger than the other?”
- Requests for information: these questions generally elicit answers that are just the facts, but pay close attention because sometimes they’ll be value questions.
Example: “Can you get pregnant if you have sex standing up?”
- Personal: these are the questions that you’ll be asked about yourself.
Example: “Have you ever had oral sex?”
All of these questions will fall into either fact or value categories. And no matter what type of questions you’re being asked, you should first respond with, “Good question!”
Fact questions should be answered with the facts, period. If someone asks a question, it means that they deserve an age-appropriate answer. Answer fact questions concisely, this is particularly important if they’re a child. If they didn’t get the answer they’re looking for, they’ll ask another question (so don’t fret!).
Values questions should be framed depending on who’s asking the question. If it’s a student and that student is a minor, you should keep their own family values in mind when answering. If it’s your own kiddo, you can explain the values you hold close, as a family, but I also recommend explaining the values of others so it’s not a shock.
Here’s a protocol you can use when answering values questions, but first I’m going to provide you with an acronym for the protocol, you try to guess what you’re supposed to say, then scroll down to see if you got it right…!
F S, F O, F Y.
(now try to guess what those letters might stand for when answering a values question…)
For some…., For others…., and For you….
Let’s try an example from above –
Student: “Is it okay to have sex before marriage?”
You: “Good question! For some people, having sex before marriage is okay, for other people, having sex before marriage is against their religion or their family values, for you to answer that question, you should talk to your family about what their values are.”
Let’s try another:
Student: “Can I get pregnant if I have sex standing up?”
You: “Good question! If you’re having penile-vaginal sex, then yes, you can get pregnant if you have sex standing up.”
And sometimes you’ll be asked questions that might seem difficult to answer. Here’s one I’ve seen people struggle with:
Student: “How do gay people have sex?”
You: “Good question! Well, what are different sexual things that any two people can do together?
Student might say things like: “Kissing, hugging, penetration, anal sex, BDSM, mutual masturbation…”
You: “Absolutely, there’s no such thing as ‘straight sex’ or ‘gay sex’ – people have sex differently, and that depends on whatever that person and their partner likes.”
Now, you try. I’m going to ask you a question, and I’d love you to try answering it using the protocol.
13 year old student: “What do orgasms feel like?”
Please leave your answers in the comment section below!
(Protocol from PPDE’s Sexuality Education Training Institute)